Adapting....

To life once more. Not that I've forgotten how to live but just living life as I should. Not having to wonder what other people are thinking but rather just living and enjoying the moment.

I've always thought I am living the life but things don't quite always pan out. But here I am, in my own place now and making the most of it.

Having just finished most of the wedding cake I was asked to bake, I feel a sense of achievement. To be given that opportunity to make an impression or just to give the happy couple that chance to have a beautiful wedding with a great tasting cake. And I dare say, I've made a beautiful cake. Nothing like what the professionals are like, but beautiful nonetheless.

But where am I going with this? I'm adapting my life to what I want it to be. Working at a challenging job on a topic that people seldom address unless confronted with, baking for the joy of it and when the time arises, get paid for it as well, and enjoying the comforts of living on my own.

I won't say whether I miss certain other things and people but who knows. Some things are better left unsaid.

Lyrics - Wherever you will go by Charlene Soraia

Am a big fan of this london based singer... so here's her lyrics...simple but straight to the point!


So lately, been wondering 
Who will be there to take my place
When i’m gone, you’ll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone 
Could you make it on your own?

Chorus:
If i could, then i would 
I’ll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I’ll go wherever you will go

And maybe i’ll work out 
A way to make it back some day 
*Towards you*, to guide you 
Through the darkest of your days

If a great wave shall fall
It would fall upon us all
Well i hope there’s someone out there 
Who can bring me back to you 

Chorus:
If i could, then i would 
I’ll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com 
I’ll go wherever you will go

Run away with my heart 
Run away with my hope
run away with my love

i know now, just quite how 
my life and love might still go on 
in your heart, in your mind
i’ll stay with you for all of time

[Chorus:]
If i could then i would 
I’ll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
If i could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
If i could turn back time 
I’ll go wherever you will go 
I’ll go wherever you will go 

anxious

somehow I get pangs of anxiety at the weirdest of times and these feelings aren't normally spawned from thinking too much or feeling utterly emotional, but the fact that what comes after feeling anxious normally becomes a fact is pretty strange.

I'm not sure whether it is because I am anticipating something will happen, or am just displacing the facts of past experiences, thus making me feel anxious!

now I sound like a broken down record...

writing...

Would it be considered strange, odd, weird, downright crazy if you start writing your feelings down on how much you miss being with the other. How you reminisce about the times you had together...

is that insane? or just writing your heart?

doesn't matter whether it's in a form of a letter, a note, a postcard, or just a one-liner on a piece of paper to say...

I love you
I hate you
I miss you
I want you
I need you

That day

... I was touched by God
... overcome by a miracle
... overwhelmed by magnificence

... tears rolled down my cheeks
... I experienced more than just normality
... was spellbounding on a more than just a superficial degree

... peace came over me
... ominous presence laid its hands on me
... I was born again, a new person, a new day, with new hopes, new dreams

... I became whole again
... brought a clearer picture
... a brighter future

Lost

There are too many people,
The crowds are overwhelming,
The noise is overpowering,
The traffic all too consuming.

I can't see you,
I need to perch above the sea of bopping heads,
I can't find where you are,
There's just too many,
My head's a blur,
I can't see straight.

Why am I so lost
Yet so clear minded at the same time,
Why can't I think straight,
Yet remaining so undeniably focused.

What am I to make of it,
A lost lamb in a large plain,
How am I to understand this,
When nothing seems to make sense.

A flurry, you sent me into,
A flutter, goes my heart,
Butterflies and moths,
Float in my quizzical mind,
With thoughts dotting in and out of it
not entirely comprehensible.

The not knowing,
Is making me tired,
Exhausted even.
The effort to understand,
causes more anxiety
rather than calming my saddened soul.

Is it better to not understand
or seek reasons for anything at all
Perhaps creating excuses,
Is far better than justifying anything,
logically or not.

friendship and honesty

this topic has been mulling in my mind for a while now. and this post has taken me about 10 days to complete. From changing its topic to the content to what exactly do I want to say.

I am still searching for the right words and I guess being blunt is the best way to go about it.

I love my friends. Despite what many may say about some of them. I've been told to choose before and I refuse to bar certain ones that were either too worse for wear or just not worth my time to invest anymore effort in it.

I'd go to the ends of the earth for them especially my best friends who have been there through thick or thin. And there are some whom, nevermind who they may be, who will always be the people whom I would always make sure they are never hurt. When they hurt, I hurt more.

There is one thing though that I have learnt throughout my many years on earth. HONESTY is always the best policy. I've only ever asked for people to be honest with me. Especially my friends. And I know how people can sometimes think this might be prying into their privacy. But seriously, honesty is the BEST policy. Why lie? Isn't HONESTY what friendship is based on? Unless of course the friendship was never one to begin with. Can one truly stay as friends when that simple requirement in a friendship has been taken away?

FRIENDSHIP + HONESTY + EMOTIONS = ??

I am emotional when it comes to my friends. Can they blame me? Those that do then probably don't understand me a great deal. For those who don't, they accept me for who I am, and love me for being that emotionally attached, and passionately driven. Every person i am friends with, I hope to keep for life. I understand that I may not be everyone's cup of tea but heck, I am who I am.

When honesty is questioned in a friendship, where do you go from there? Do you accept that the other person just cannot be part of your life because he / she has chosen to lie? There could be reasons behind it that one cannot question or having suspicions on whether the truth was told can also have its adverse effects. So is it better just to leave the situation be? Or do you pursue a just answer?

I for one thing would rather live in honesty than lie. Especially with my friends. Yes, there are times when certain facts have been kept in the dark because of what may transpire should the truth be revealed but I feel more at ease knowing I've done my utmost best by being honest with my friends and telling them the exact truth. I tell it like it is and I think that's what keeps my friendships healthy.

Ask yourself this: would you rather be kept in the dark when it comes to your friends? I don't think I would want to. How else could you be called a friend then? If you can't even be honest with your friends, then are you honest with yourself?

Think about it.