who stole my heart,
who made it love,
but who also made it crack
who mended it,
who destroyed it,
who made it love again
but broken it once more
you knew how much you meant to me
yet you never fully understood my heart
you knew how much it felt for you
yet you never fully appreciated its presence
to the boy who couldn't really see
but claims he can see
whose mind can never really be read
yet tries to read everybody else's
can't you not see that the grass is indeed greener
can't you not see that loving one person
is enough to fulfill a lifetime of love
can't you not feel that the ocean is calmer
all because you know you have that one person
who has all that love for you
yet...
unrequited love
goes unpaid
goes unrewarded
only pain survives
only heartache remains
why dear boy why
explain yourself I say
past heartaches are never forgotten
but remembering the good times
keeps the heart and mind sane
past loves build character
into what may be a beautiful person
just don't let that heartache
that pain, that sorrow
overwhelm you, overtake you
i don't know what else to say
i don't know what else to do
i don't know how to feel
i don't know who else to see
i don't know...
i really don't know...
Saturday 24 September 2011
Circumstances
0comments
Do you think that when you're faced with a certain set of circumstances, you end up having to decide whether or not the circumstances that you are in would go your way or not.
I have been many a time been faced with very surprising circumstances, and while most of my decisions have been thoughtfully planned out, some i let slip and lo and behold, the end result is never how I would envision it to be.
Can you go back on some of the decisions you make? Or do you just live with what has transpired from those decisions you made based on the circumstances you were in?
Ambiguity in such situations can only lead to confusion hence my preference for outright-blunt-in-your-face information because then at least we won't be making decisions based on assumptions. We assume too much sometimes thus resulting in misunderstandings. I guess this is where the German side of me comes out in which all possible information is laid bare and out in the open for your taking just so things have been cleared up, and decisions then can be made on the most reasonable level.
Then again, wouldn't it just take the fun out of making decisions altogether? After all, many decisions, like in experiments, are based on assumptions and therefore would then mean accidents might or might not happen and voila, a new discovery! I guess my rationality does play a huge part on why my decisions are always made as such.
However, that only applies in my work. When it comes to matters of the heart, I apply a whole different set of rules. Well maybe not entirely different from that for work but nonetheless slightly different. My heart does the talking and I blame myself for allowing my heart to lead me astray one too many a time. Yet, I'm a romantic at heart, a sucker for the romantic gestures, the caring, the giggling, the whole jazz. And despite how many heart aches I endure, I still think that there is love out there.
Then again, I find myself in situations that compromise my ability to think. Especially in relationships. Which is in my opinion, quite often. I give in way too quickly, I make irrational decisions sometimes even I am baffled by but I put it down to my love for that person. I want to go all out to please that person, to make sure that that person is happy.. but I forget about my own happiness and more often than not I end up being the unhappy one because I am not fulfilled personally and emotionally.
So again it boils down to circumstances. What can we do with our circumstances?
I have been many a time been faced with very surprising circumstances, and while most of my decisions have been thoughtfully planned out, some i let slip and lo and behold, the end result is never how I would envision it to be.
Can you go back on some of the decisions you make? Or do you just live with what has transpired from those decisions you made based on the circumstances you were in?
Ambiguity in such situations can only lead to confusion hence my preference for outright-blunt-in-your-face information because then at least we won't be making decisions based on assumptions. We assume too much sometimes thus resulting in misunderstandings. I guess this is where the German side of me comes out in which all possible information is laid bare and out in the open for your taking just so things have been cleared up, and decisions then can be made on the most reasonable level.
Then again, wouldn't it just take the fun out of making decisions altogether? After all, many decisions, like in experiments, are based on assumptions and therefore would then mean accidents might or might not happen and voila, a new discovery! I guess my rationality does play a huge part on why my decisions are always made as such.
However, that only applies in my work. When it comes to matters of the heart, I apply a whole different set of rules. Well maybe not entirely different from that for work but nonetheless slightly different. My heart does the talking and I blame myself for allowing my heart to lead me astray one too many a time. Yet, I'm a romantic at heart, a sucker for the romantic gestures, the caring, the giggling, the whole jazz. And despite how many heart aches I endure, I still think that there is love out there.
Then again, I find myself in situations that compromise my ability to think. Especially in relationships. Which is in my opinion, quite often. I give in way too quickly, I make irrational decisions sometimes even I am baffled by but I put it down to my love for that person. I want to go all out to please that person, to make sure that that person is happy.. but I forget about my own happiness and more often than not I end up being the unhappy one because I am not fulfilled personally and emotionally.
So again it boils down to circumstances. What can we do with our circumstances?
Friday 23 September 2011
New phase in life...or not?
0comments
I realise how sometimes I don't really think when I do something. My passion in life always drives my decisions and gets me going. But sometimes it just runs askew and there I am left dumbfounded, shocked, unamused by what has transpired and down right... disgusted perhaps?
I am an emotional person. A person where feelings mean a whole lot more than just well... feelings I guess. The way I see it, I invest in many things emotionally. Some may say that it is good because I take ownership of it, some may say it is dangerous because then I over indulge in it and hence my feelings / emotions get thwarted. I believe in God and Jesus Christ as my guide but my heart tells me and guides me far more than God. A lesson sometimes I think I should learn in which God should be the one to guide rather than me trying to be self-righteous and go on a hell-bender and hope to GOD that things will pan out. But that pretty much describes my life.
Anger is never one of my strong traits and when I do get angry it somehow is tied to a huge catalyst of some sort. And what when anger does come into play, boy oh boy does it get out of hand.
People know me as a calm person with very little anger spurts because I keep it under control. But maybe because I don't like confrontations that are anger based. But when I do get angry at anyone, then the silent treatment is given. But recently I have been more vocal. More in your face.
I don't know what to make of it. Is it because I can no longer keep quiet and that by voicing out my discontent, I'd be able to have some kind of dignity? Or by defending my position, it will at least help in telling people that I am not stupid and that my arguments have basis?
I am at a point in time where being tired is a common occurrence. Tired from what? Tired from being the little nice girl. Tired from being the one who minds her mouth because she doesn't want to piss off the person she is with. Tired from always having to think of what to say to make sure doesn't sound stupid. Or maybe just plain tired. Tired because I have not been able to absorb life to the fullest.
All this I can tell is quite challenging to me. I remember writing in a previous posting on another blog that I have been tired once before. And I seem to have repeated that. I am wondering when I will stop being tired and be energetic in the name of life. Not that I don't go exercising, I do. Not that I don't like socialising because I do. But just tired from it all.
I am an emotional person. A person where feelings mean a whole lot more than just well... feelings I guess. The way I see it, I invest in many things emotionally. Some may say that it is good because I take ownership of it, some may say it is dangerous because then I over indulge in it and hence my feelings / emotions get thwarted. I believe in God and Jesus Christ as my guide but my heart tells me and guides me far more than God. A lesson sometimes I think I should learn in which God should be the one to guide rather than me trying to be self-righteous and go on a hell-bender and hope to GOD that things will pan out. But that pretty much describes my life.
Anger is never one of my strong traits and when I do get angry it somehow is tied to a huge catalyst of some sort. And what when anger does come into play, boy oh boy does it get out of hand.
People know me as a calm person with very little anger spurts because I keep it under control. But maybe because I don't like confrontations that are anger based. But when I do get angry at anyone, then the silent treatment is given. But recently I have been more vocal. More in your face.
I don't know what to make of it. Is it because I can no longer keep quiet and that by voicing out my discontent, I'd be able to have some kind of dignity? Or by defending my position, it will at least help in telling people that I am not stupid and that my arguments have basis?
I am at a point in time where being tired is a common occurrence. Tired from what? Tired from being the little nice girl. Tired from being the one who minds her mouth because she doesn't want to piss off the person she is with. Tired from always having to think of what to say to make sure doesn't sound stupid. Or maybe just plain tired. Tired because I have not been able to absorb life to the fullest.
All this I can tell is quite challenging to me. I remember writing in a previous posting on another blog that I have been tired once before. And I seem to have repeated that. I am wondering when I will stop being tired and be energetic in the name of life. Not that I don't go exercising, I do. Not that I don't like socialising because I do. But just tired from it all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
