New phase in life...or not?

I realise how sometimes I don't really think when I do something. My passion in life always drives my decisions and gets me going. But sometimes it just runs askew and there I am left dumbfounded, shocked, unamused by what has transpired and down right... disgusted perhaps?

I am an emotional person. A person where feelings mean a whole lot more than just well... feelings I guess. The way I see it, I invest in many things emotionally. Some may say that it is good because I take ownership of it, some may say it is dangerous because then I over indulge in it and hence my feelings / emotions get thwarted. I believe in God and Jesus Christ as my guide but my heart tells me and guides me far more than God. A lesson sometimes I think I should learn in which God should be the one to guide rather than me trying to be self-righteous and go on a hell-bender and hope to GOD that things will pan out. But that pretty much describes my life.

Anger is never one of my strong traits and when I do get angry it somehow is tied to a huge catalyst of some sort. And what when anger does come into play, boy oh boy does it get out of hand.

People know me as a calm person with very little anger spurts because I keep it under control. But maybe because I don't like confrontations that are anger based. But when I do get angry at anyone, then the silent treatment is given. But recently I have been more vocal. More in your face.

I don't know what to make of it. Is it because I can no longer keep quiet and that by voicing out my discontent, I'd be able to have some kind of dignity? Or by defending my position, it will at least help in telling people that I am not stupid and that my arguments have basis?

I am at a point in time where being tired is a common occurrence. Tired from what? Tired from being the little nice girl. Tired from being the one who minds her mouth because she doesn't want to piss off the person she is with. Tired from always having to think of what to say to make sure doesn't sound stupid. Or maybe just plain tired. Tired because I have not been able to absorb life to the fullest.

All this I can tell is quite challenging to me. I remember writing in a previous posting on another blog that I have been tired once before. And I seem to have repeated that. I am wondering when I will stop being tired and be energetic in the name of life. Not that I don't go exercising, I do. Not that I don't like socialising because I do. But just tired from it all.